(Erwin x Reader) This ugly yet beautiful world P8

Your heart is beating painfully hard in your chest. Your breath is short and shallow, your vision glazy and your limbs feel like jelly. But you keep on running, occasionally having to jump from roof to roof. You can hear the titan behind you, a 15 meters class, grotesquely out of proportions and grinning like a maniac. If only you can reach that tower over there, you can use your 3D maneuver gear to finish it off.

Boom…

Boom…

You can feel the hair on your neck rising as a shudder travels down your spine. And suddenly, it’s way too quiet. You glance over your shoulder, just in time to see the titan rushing forward, mouth hanging open, eyes empty and arms reaching out to grab you. You clench your teeth to keep yourself from screaming, stare at the tower that’s still way out of reach and launch your body forward.

CRASH!

The titan rams into the building behind you, debris flying everywhere and an enormous cloud of dust rising up like a massive wave. You eyes begin to water and you launch into a coughing fit, but you’re unharmed.

Just as you’re thinking that very thought, something, a brick? decides to hit you in the left shoulder, the impact sending you flying like a rag doll. Totally helpless. Suddenly, there’s nothing between you and the ground below.

Your body acts on it’s own.

Your hand tightens around the 3D maneuver gear and a wire shoots out with a familiar hiss. It hits the wall opposite of you and drags you forward by the hips. But you’re moving too fast. Your eyes widen. Window! You manage to twist your body sideways and shield your face. And then you smash right through the glass with a deafening crash. Glittering shards flying everywhere. Pain. Pain. Your mind is too confused to note exactly how you land, the only thing you know for certain is that it hurts like hell. And then you’re lying in a heap on the floor of some kind of bedroom. This is far from the first time you wish that the Survey Corpse could wear body armor instead of these thin, green cloaks.

Your head is spinning. You manage to force yourself up into a sitting position. One thought is dominating your foggy mind. You have to get out of the building. If that titan comes after you, you’ll be trapped in here. God, it hurts. Okay, your vision is kind of unsteady and so are your legs. Where’s that window again? You support yourself on the wall, feeling something warm dripping down the side of your face. You probably acquired some nasty cuts going through that window. It could be worse though. Probably. Your left hand goes to the fairy pendant on your right wrist.

Wings of freedom, time to strap them on (First name).

You look up towards the window, right into a pair of huge, childlike eyes, almost literally shining with delight. For a couple of seconds, the world goes completely still. There’s only you and those eyes. Those big, brown eyes. The feeling of being caught, of being cornered is overwhelming. You’re alone. You’re vulnerable. What the hell are you going to do now? I have to… I… I need to… It’s like standing at the edge of a cliff, ready to jump but unsure if your wings are going to carry you. Corporal Levi or Petra or Marika or even Hanji would probably not hesitate to attack. Throwing themselves at that mockingly childlike face, swords drawn. You are not like them though. You’re just an ordinary soldier. And you’re scared.

Why doesn’t this get any easier? You wonder. Your first instinct when you see a titan is still to run. Still to hide. You’re not the hunter. You’re the hunted. And will that really ever change? You take a deep breath, steeling yourself. Overthinking things again. You’re a proud member of the Survey Corps, of course you’re the hunter. You charge towards the titan, yelling at the top of your lungs before launching yourself out of the window. Swords drawn.

Slash! Slash!

The titan stumble backwards, blood pouring from its eyes. You land on the crook of its nose and have to grab a fistful of its eyelashes to keep yourself from plunging down below. Because that would be uncool. A wave of dizziness comes over you. You close your eyes briefly, grimacing. No time to lose though.

Whizz!

And you’re soaring past its head.

Whizz!

You make a sharp u-turn, eyes zooming in on its fleshy neck. It will probably regenerate soon. No time to lose.

Slash! Slash!

Whizz!

You land on a nearby chimney, watching the titan as it crumples to the ground. Lucky for you, it is a 7 meters class. Had it been the 15 meters class that was chasing you earlier, you wouldn’t have gotten high enough to target it’s neck.

Wait a minute… where did…

Something warm and fleshy closes around you. You can’t breathe. You can’t move. It’s hot. And too tight. You’re trapped… A terrified whimper escapes your lips. You had been so focused on the 7 meters class that you… You…  

The titan holds you up before its face, gazing at you with a huge, goofy smile. And you swear, you didn’t know what true fear was until that very moment. You can’t scream, can’t move, can’t do anything.

You’re going to die…

In the end, is that really the only things we humans are good for? Screaming, crying and dying?

You don’t want to be like that.

You want to fight.

Commander Pixis always says that fighting titans takes about 30% skill and 70% pure luck. There’s no point in deluding oneself about this. You are alive for one reason and one reason only, because you’ve been damn lucky. You know this. This is not a fight. Not a war. This is slaughter. You’re not fighting. You’re surviving.

The titan shake your body like you’re some kind of toy and there is something eerily gleeful about its expression. How dare you smile like that? How dare you smile while humanity crumbles? The Survey Corps’ task has in fact never been to wipe out the titans. Most of the time, you avoid them. Run from them. Hide from them. It is not heroic. There is no glory in it. You’re hanging on by the skin of your teeth, with just enough hope to keep you alive.

And that’s why you appreciate Commander Erwin so much. He keeps on going like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He looks at you with that stern gaze of his and suddenly, you’re willing to follow him anywhere. Because how can you give in to despair when he keeps on having such a bright look in his eyes? How can you lie down when he stands so straight? You look into the titan’s large, blue eyes. The same color as Commander Erwin’s, you realize. How ironic. And sad. This is sort of like fate's way of giving you the middle finger.

“Let me go…” You say, voice shaking.

The titan freezes.

Whizz!

Slash!

You’re falling.

Whizz!

And then you’re not falling anymore.

You’re flying.

There should be a limit to how much mind fuck one can experience during a day. You glance up at your savior. Blonde hair, a strong jaw, blue emotionless eyes. You really should have passed that limit by now.